German | African American

Photo credit: provided by subject

I am mixed-race; my Mother is German, and my Father is African American. My Father has ancestors from Togo, France and native -America. They met at a club at a army air force base. My Mother liked the music African American’s would listen to; soul, RnB and hip-hop. She was attracted to the culture by my Father. She now celebrates his traditions; she cooks soul food and speaks American to him.

I grew up in Berlin, Germany. After the war Berlin was divided with a wall into east and west. I grew up in the west of Berlin where people were open-minded and there were less racist attacks in contrast to the east. We lived where the English, French and Americans were stationed; my Father was one of the American soldiers. During my childhood we spent most of our time with other families that had interracial marriages with Black Americans and German women. I felt comfortable and accepted in this atmosphere. There were recreational activities and American traditions like Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas were celebrated together. We had our little world in Berlin, and we felt very comfortable. When the Americans went back to the USA, unfortunately, all that stopped, and I was no longer in a bubble and had to learn to cope with the completely White society.

As a child, I identified myself as a proud German. Only when I was confronted by others did I deal with the fact that my Father was Black and my Mother White. Because of my appearance I was not recognized as German and felt like a stranger in my country of birth. I remember as a child explaining to other children that when you mix chocolate and vanilla ice cream my colour would come out. I always had to justify myself and defend my Black side, it can be challenging to always explain yourself with your roots and your biography before people start to get to know you as a person!

I experienced racism as a child which shaped me, my self-confidence was shaken. I was a quiet child but did not reveal my grief. In my youth, I gained more self-confidence and dealt more with the history of African Americans and developed a grudge against the White people. But I couldn't reconcile that with my conscience and left this resentment behind. I began to identify myself more as a Black person because I was more in tune with the African American’s. I listened to the music, I read books and dealt with the culture. I was attracted to Black people but at the same time the USA remained as foreign to me as a tourist. I only spent 3 times in the USA for holidays with my family and whenever I was there I felt like an outsider, not because they made me feel like one, I just didn't belong there. I was just an outsider everywhere!

In my country of birth it feels comfortable and familiar, only society gives me the feeling to be a stranger. In the USA the Black society accepts me, only I don't have the feeling of belonging that's so paradoxical. 

Today as an adult I identify myself as mixed-race. I don't deny any side and I am proud to be an open-minded woman who is open to all cultures. I hope that one day we mixed people will help the world to be more open minded. It doesn't matter where you come from anymore but what kind of person you are! I am open to everyone regardless of their nationality; however, I have found that I am mostly attracted to men who also have several roots. I think it shouldn't matter what origin the partner has as long as there is mutual respect and tolerance on both sides that applies to then and now!

It was impossible to deny any part of myself, there is no reason to hide something that makes you special. It makes me sad that Black people are still so often discriminated against I hope that the protests will bring about a change! I am very happy that so many people regardless of skin colour are joining this movement and raising their voice against this injustice that is happening in the world!

I have visited the USA, but I also want to visit Africa because my ancestors also come from there. I work in the model industry. My appearance is an advantage as a model, many nationalities can identify with me."

During the pandemic I behave carefully. I take precautions and do not meet friends and family.