British | Malaysian Chinese

Photo credit: provided by subject

I identify as Agnostic with Bhuddist and Christian influences from my upbringing My Father is British and my Mother is Malaysian Chinese. My parents met when my Dad was in Kuala Lumpur for work. Initially he was picking models for a Dove commercial, when seeing my Mother as a candidate he thought that she looked too perfect for a Dove commercial which was advertising more 'real looking women'. From here they ran away to Prague together despite the disapproval of my Mother’s traditional Chinese parents. Before I was even born my parents were set on me being fluent in Chinese, for this reason my Mother and I communicate in Chinese. 

They have always been committed to me having a multicultural upbringing as I have lived in many different countries all prior to turning 19. For example, living in the Philippines allowed me to gain fluency in Tagalog and living in Switzerland allowed me to learn French. Growing up my Mom always taught me how to cook Chinese cuisine and never made me feel different from all my cousins which are full Chinese. I don't have family on my Father's side and I never really had a British influence on my life until the age of 15 when I was sent to boarding school in the UK; this was new and exciting but also strange because it never occurred to me how unusual my race is. 

In a partner I look for someone who has an international outlook and who is open minded. Not that I look down on people who've always been in one place, I just feel like I can connect more with people who understand the impact of being mixed. I would never hide my identity.

My parents' relationship was definitely taboo for its time. Malaysia's most prominent religion is Muslim and it still is looked down upon for Muslims to marry outside the Malay race even though there are three prominent races in Malaysia: Indian, Chinese and Malay. In order for a Malay to marry outside Islam, their partner must convert to Islam. Hence when my Mother revealed that she was dating a Caucasian, my Grandmother stated 'what! are all the Chinese men dead?'. To an extent this was stranger than if my Mother chose a Malay. I think that interracial relationships today are definitely more common and looked down upon less but there are definitely cultural and religious challenges all around the world, this is something I hope will change going forward as I believe that a persons culture, race, sexuality and religion should not be a factor in who they love because in the end you cant choose who you fall in love with. Love knows no race.

Growing up I was always a little bit insecure about the fact that I was half Caucasian. When I moved to the UK I was categorised as Asian by my Western friends. This really hurt to an extent because I've always considered myself split down the middle. So I always make sure that I am proud of both sides of my race because to me being a third culture child is something beautiful. Now more than ever in today's political climate, creating an ethnic melting pot is vital as it builds bridges between cultures rather than walls between them.

I've always spent a lot of time in Malaysia with my Mother's side of the family. Malaysian culture is integral to who I am today. Despite the racial conflict between the 3 races, Malaysian culture can be harmonised through street food. My family always goes to eat at Mamak (street food) coffee shops. Here you can always see Indians, Chinese and Malays both rich and poor eating together. This is an integral insight to Asian culture where food is at the heart of one's lifestyle.

When I was younger I once was looking at a family photo and I got upset because my cousins looked so much more like my mother than I did. This confused and distressed me as this is where my crisis of belonging began. I struggled with this growing up as although I have somewhat of a western look, I never had a huge Western impact on my life until I moved to the UK. When I moved to the UK many people were confused at the fact that I am Asian but not quite Asian. But as I got older I feel like I have grown into my mixed looks and wear it as a badge of honour. In the future I wish to work in political displacement, more specifically the refugee crisis. And being from two continents as well as having a globalised upbringing I believe is useful to understanding different political views.

I currently work as a model in Malaysia. I have found that my Pan-Asian or 'wasian' look has really helped me find jobs although I have noticed that during many photoshoots I am written off as White. This is my advantage though as I don't reveal that I know Chinese until after they have spoken in Chinese to each other! I think that right now using my mixed-race heritage leans more to aesthetics rather than the cultural impact that I have. But in the future I definitely want to incorporate my mixed heritage and upbringing into my philosophy and work. For example I study Theological studies in Philosophy and Ethics at university, this field fascinates me as I love looking at how history and culture impacts the political world today. Art is another passion of mine, especially art history. I have studied in depth the religious and political impacts that the East and West have on each other especially in the artistic world.

If I had the opportunity to be reborn I wouldn't change a thing, even though growing up mixed can make you feel a little bit lost and displaced, when you find the beauty in your heritage you realise how blessed you are to have this platform where you can act as a bridge between two races in a political world which is building walls between countries instead.