American | Jamaican

Photo credit: provided by subject

I identify as multi-racial; of three main race groups. I am a Christian & heterosexual. My Mom is Jamaican and Dad is American. I’m not sure how they met, but I know they met in Florida. This is the family secret; I was lied to about who my biological Dad was my entire life. I live with my Mom & my Step-Dad and my Step-Dad was also lied to. I found this secret out from a DNA testing site.

I’ll talk about combining my Mom and Step-Dad’s cultures because he has been my Dad in my life and was raised by German immigrants. My parents cook and eat a wide range of food, anywhere from Jamaican to German food. It’s a real mix of worlds. I think my Father’s cooking would be a little more bland if he never met my Mom. My Mother loves westerns and old movies, and so does my Dad. My Grandmother was Indian (Asia) and we like to honor that part by listening to Indian music and watching Bollywood movies. My Mom wore a traditional saree to marry my Step-Dad, and I own one too. My parents both love to travel and would always take me with them so I love traveling.

My biological Dad was adopted and raised in a Cuban household and I am interested in learning more about that. I love everyone, any skin tone, any nationality, but living in an area that is predominantly White or has a very obvious segregation area, I am very cautious when it comes to talking to Caucasian men. I need to know they are open to hearing about my struggles and trials as a woman of color. I need them to acknowledge privilege exists and that Black lives matter. I can’t be with a partner that is going to downplay or be blind to issues that are life or death to me especially if we are bringing Black children into the world. We need a solid foundation of understanding.

I didn’t used to be outspoken about being Black, which is weird because I am obviously Black. I went to predominantly White institutes from 7th-college and that was a very confusing time of conformity. I’ve never outright tried to hide any part of my identity. I just think I wasn’t outspoken enough. Or proud enough.

I live, breathe & eat interracial relationships. I consider them to be gorgeous and a work of art. But compared to maybe my Grandparents generation it was just absolutely not okay. I can imagine my White side of the family probably being more against it than my Black side given my Mom used to date a lot of White men.

I feel as though I can easily relate to a lot of demographics. Being mixed, my ability to shift in and out of racial identity is my power. People get so confused by racially ambiguous people. There are so many challenges, especially growing up when there weren’t a lot of mixed people to see on TV or in ads or just in general. I didn’t know how to take care of my hair, I wanted to be White like all the girls at my high school so I straightened my hair for years all because a boy once told me I looked prettier. I didn’t know who I was and identifying was hard. I was too ‘White’ for Black kids and too ‘Black’ for White kids which is very wrong to categorize a personality as a race.

I’m almost jealous of mixed kids today because they have such a vast access to other mixed people/resources just on their phones. I love being mixed now. And I couldn’t say that before. I am a lot of people in one, and I wouldn’t change that.

I went to Jamaica with my Mom and it was a beautiful experience. I haven’t been to India yet but I want to.

I do think my connection to my identity has changed tremendously as I have gotten older. I think it’s so important to evolve as you grow.

If I were to be reborn, I would want to return the exact same EXCEPT, I would want the opportunity for my biological Dad to know I exist and be in my life. I missed out on so many years with him on this short journey we call life.

I just want to share my story about being mixed but also being an NPE (non-paternity event). I was extremely lucky to ever find out about my Dad but I was also lucky to find him & have him accept me into his life. It breaks my heart for whatever reason my Mother couldn’t tell me the truth and I had to find out through a DNA test (that I took for fun) but I forgive her and I will always love her.

I am okay now that I have a semi-well income but it has been hard still living with my parents during the pandemic. I lost a lot of money and can’t move yet. I also found out a family secret during the pandemic which makes it hard to live with my parents. I am trying to put out good energy into the world and manifest blessings.

Black lives matter. We need real reform and justice, but honestly just pure hard education about the systemic oppression and prejudice of Black/Brown people. Systemic oppression is the root of the American system on every single level of every single place. It’s a lot to tackle but we need people to let go of their egos, and see what is happening, what has been happening for years. We need more POC therapists too. Honestly we need more POC everywhere in places of power.