Spanish/Indian Guyanese | English
It’s interesting as my Grandad always taught me ‘know who you are, because if there was a race war which side would pick you’. This didn’t settle until many years later when I understood how the world perceives me and people that look like me. I am of dual ethnicity, the world has never viewed me as that and I have been treated and perceived as a ‘Black’ person. Recently I have felt more connected to my Black heritage than ever and use my voice actively. I had terrible identity issues growing up. I used to tell different versions of my truth to fit in with anybody, always highlighting I’m half White! I suppose back then that made me feel more worthy. It took a long time of reflecting and analysing to retrain my thinking and embrace my cultures.
Being multicultural and an actor is hard because I have never fit into a category, casting directors could never pinpoint me, I didn’t look Black enough, I didn’t look Indian enough, I didn’t look mixed-race enough, I was never enough and it was infuriating because I was all of it but it meant nothing. I believe the main core challenge with my identity is coming to terms with how a Black person is perceived, how a Black person is treated and loving all of me anyway and silencing out all those voices that tell you you’re not enough.
I don’t know anyone that’s got the exact same mix as me, though if I ever find someone that’s Guyanese I can’t help but get excited because there’s not actually many of us and it’s always like a nice moment of connection. I used to hate that there was no one like me but now with a greater understanding of the world everyone is mixed whether they like it or not. I don’t know if it directly affects my poetry topically but my life experience of having a multicultural upbringing has contributed to my narrative when I’m writing my experience or the way I perceive other experiences. I definitely want to write a love letter to Guyana at some point. I just don’t have the words yet.
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In collaboration with Poetic Unity