Indian/Guyanese | Nigerian
My Mother’s Father disowned her and I only met him once in my life by accident. I knew from the age of about 7 that it was a race issue and my parents let my Grandma explain it all to me. Otherwise, I had great relationships with both sides of the family. My family parties always integrated both sides so it was natural for me to see my Brown and Black relatives laughing and in community with each other.
I knew my parents were from different places and looked very different to each other and to me. Most of my cousins are mixed; with Jamaican, Pakistani, Dutch, Goan, so it was just a norm to be around people with parents who were different ‘races’. But the concept of being actually ‘mixed-race’ came as I started to get into secondary school and people would ask ‘are you light skin or mixed-race?’. I now realise that they were asking if I had two parents of African descent, or just one. Most people accept that I am Black, but recently I have seen online discourse suggesting that I can’t be if my Mother isn’t. For me, this isn’t something I woke up and consciously decided one day. It is who I am. I have always had my Indian-ness invalidated by various people. Some can’t seem to see beyond my physical appearance.
I don’t hide my background, but I don’t disclose that I am also of Indian descent in new professional spaces immediately. This is because I’ve had experiences where people begin to analyse my physical features, my Nigerian surname. I’ve been asked if my Desi side is really ‘purely’ Desi, or if my Mum is really also mixed with Black. I’ve had the bizarre comment by White people frequently of ‘I thought you were Black’, and then I have to explain that this statement makes no sense, since you can be Black racially based on your phenotype AND be ethnically/genetically also something else. I prefer to avoid justifying myself as it’s uncomfortable. My Mum’s sister, who passed away in 2021 affirmed my philosophical self and taught me to enjoy my life and live in the moment. Things are not always as they appear, in all aspects of life. People will box you in, but you can be more than one thing at once.
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