Greek Cypriot | Guyanese
I think in the first lockdown I was trying to fill the space with productivity as I felt I wouldn’t get another opportunity with so much time again. I tried to create habits and write as much as I could. I write a lot about my Black British identity to understand it better. It is a weird identity because Black people have influenced Britain’s culture so much yet we are constantly made to feel displaced. As a third generation Black Briton, I feel like we have created a collective identity. Although this is a good thing I do feel a bit sad that my Black identity comes from Britain rather than my home country. My identity influences my perspective on everything.
I’ve been to Cyprus five times but never to Guyana. I wasn’t ever consciously trying to connect with my culture but my parents and Grandparents always instilled family traditions that taught me about my background. I am very close with my Greek family but I never feel fully a part of that side. I don’t look Greek and I don’t speak Greek, but I am planning to learn. I feel like until I learn the language I’m as close to my Greek identity as I possibly can be. I used to resent my Greek side because I felt only partially accepted because I was mixed-race. This was a struggle when I was younger.
I was around like 13/14 when the term ‘lighty’ became a thing and it never sat well with me. I would always deny that label and wasn’t ever sure why. But then you look back at the Willie Lynch theory and other things like that and realise there’s a reason the label is uncomfortable.
I find it hard to articulate my feelings in light of the global protest for racial equality. I felt angry, hopeless, guilty and emotionally exhausted. Seeing all the protests gave hope but also I thought in the back of my mind is this real or just performative. I felt guilt that I could eventually continue with my life. I felt hopeless because, as a Black person, you live with the reality that who you are and how you are seen and treated is always different.
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In collaboration with Poetic Unity