English | Nigerian

My Mum and Dad had an extremely tense relationship when they were together and they broke up when I was very young, which ultimately resulted in me having no relationship with my Dad for most of my life. My Dad also stopped me from seeing the rest of my Nigerian family, so a huge part of my cultural heritage was cut off.

I was confused and unhappy about being mixed-race for many years. I also was quite fearful of Black men as I couldn't help but make negative associations with my Father and his aggressive behaviour. It’s been something I’ve massively struggled with but I have done a lot of work to come to terms with it now as an adult. There has been a lot of trauma attached to my early understanding of my Black side which meant I subconsciously rejected it whilst I was going through a particularly troubled teenage period. Having therapy and doing lots of work on myself has meant that I now feel a lot more positive about my mixed-race identity but it’s also given me the motivation to share my story and support others who may have gone through similar experiences.

Co-writing my play Marble Cake has changed me. It’s been such an intense experience bringing so much of myself and my personal experiences to the surface and to bring these to the stage, for people to watch and critique, has felt like opening my heart up for everyone to see all of the suffering I faced in a very raw way. It’s been cathartic in ways I couldn’t have imagined and it’s helped me to feel so much more ok with my journey as people have shown great empathy and understanding towards me because of it.

People from multiple ethnic backgrounds often have an unclear and uncertain journey with regards to learning about themselves and feelings of frustration and confusion can be a huge part of that. Getting to a place where you feel comfortable in your own skin can often take time and it’s a process so try not to judge yourself or let comments from others penetrate too deeply and distract you from your own self discovery, although I appreciate that sometimes this is easier said than done. Getting older and maturing has definitely helped me.