English/Irish | Hong Kong Chinese
My Mum was born and raised in England but recently I discovered that I’m half Irish. My Dad was born in Hong Kong and moved to Liverpool when he was 21. I don’t ever recall not knowing that I was ‘half Chinese’. My mum told me early to prepare me for the inevitable name calling, but I didn’t understand what that actually meant. I realised I was mixed-race aged 6 when filling out a form for swimming club. I wasn’t sure what ‘ethnicity’ meant so the instructor told me to ‘just tick White’. I was so upset - I knew I wasn’t just White! Growing up in the 90s on the edge of Liverpool I was one of just a handful of non-White children. So much so that the racial slurs I heard in primary school weren’t even accurate. High school was the same and yet I never found myself wanting to fit in; the contrast made me cling to my identity more. My siblings are White so Chinese culture wasn’t brought into the home, but I immersed myself in as much culture as possible. Growing up it was weird to acknowledge that my family would never truly understand or empathise with my experiences as a mixed-race girl. The main challenge I face being mixed-race is the belief that mixed = Black & White. For some reason (perhaps due to the one-dimensional portrayal of East Asian’s in the media) people feel comfortable telling me I don’t look Chinese. Some have gone as far as to dissect my facial features over dinner or compare me to another half Chinese person they know and I’m always asked to prove my Asian-ness. Rudeness aside, it’s clear people are unaware there’s more than one way to look Asian. I’m under no illusion that being White-passing grants me a certain level of privilege in the world but that doesn’t make me White. Barack Obama’s darker complexion does not invalidate Megan Markle’s Blackness. Because I belong nowhere I feel like I belong everywhere and as I get older I feel connected to my rich and vibrant heritage more than ever which is a beautiful thing, to connect out of choice and not just circumstance.
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