English | Indian - Professor of Theory, Practice & Critique & Turing Fellow @ The Alan Turing Institute
I have an English mother and an Indian father. They met in the early 1960s, a difficult time to enter a mixed marriage. Growing up in the 1970s was tough! School kids struggled with 'difference' especially where it lacks definition. My mother took me to a multicultural group, set up for mixed-race kids. At the time I just thought it was a place to play with other kids. But looking back I realise it was formative of a sense of identity. As a child the common phrase was 'half-caste'; I didn't even understand it. Mostly, I find either my identity is invisible or people want to know exactly my parents' origins.
Later in life, matters became more subtle and more complex (with minority groups feeling more confident and definite about their identity). I have gone through many phases: Sometimes not thinking about my identity, other times feeling very strongly about it; and feeling guilty for never visiting India (although I did much later in my life).
I originally studied Anthropology (and later Critical Theory). I’m inclined to think my racial identity led me to want to study and eventually led to an academic career. I've thought it all over again by being in a mixed marriage myself and having a child who then experiences things in a new way. There are times when my identity gets de-emphasised or overemphasised. I do not identify as White, but most would think I am. The problem is perhaps less about hiding or protecting one's identity but trying to find a means to show it (what does that even look like?).
Mostly I was proud of my identity, but quietly so. Looking back, perhaps I suffered somewhat with confidence and 'impostor syndrome' as a result of being mixed-race, just because of never knowing quite where to fit in (and partly because people often seek to be in definite groups, and I don't feel the need for that). I took note of The Alan Turing Institute x Mixedracefaces collaboration because I've never before felt recognised or represented in my professional life as mixed-race.
Sign up to Patreon or Subscribe to our website to read more