Dutch | Surinamese Creole
As I got older, I started to understand more about myself. First I realised I was bisexual, later that I am a trans woman, and eventually I discovered that I am neurodivergent. Suddenly a lot of things made sense why I never really felt like I fully fit into most groups. I was often the only queer person in a foreign friend group, or the only foreigner in a Dutch friend group. For a long time, I tried to hide parts of myself, my neurodivergence, my Surinamese background, and my queerness just to fit in. That’s something I later regretted.
Growing up Dutch with a Surinamese Creole background, I always knew I was different not because I felt different, but because people told me I was. Comments like “you’re brown”, “curlyhead”, or “exotic” were normal to hear. I didn’t really question it at the time because I grew up mostly around Dutch people, and in my mind I was simply Dutch with a mother from Suriname.
In secondary school, I became more aware of race, identity, and how people see each other. I met more people from different backgrounds and started to realise something confusing: people didn’t see me as Dutch because I didn’t look white, but people with foreign backgrounds often saw me as “too Dutch”. It was a strange place to be, and I often felt lonely.
After secondary school I studied journalism because I always loved writing, art, nature, politics and travelling. But even then I still found it difficult to fully express myself. Only in recent years have I started to truly embrace all parts of my identity my multi-ethnic heritage, my gender identity, and my neurodivergence. I began going to anime, fantasy and nature events where I could connect with people through shared interests, where my identity didn’t have to be the main topic.
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