Dutch | Chinese
I am a 20 year old Dutch-Chinese law & criminology student who was born and raised in the Netherlands, yet speaks with an American accent which individuals find confusing. I even speak English in my home country at times instead of Dutch. I have faced many struggles around mixed-race dating, being mixed-race, racism, lack of representation.
I grew up in a small village in the North of the Netherlands where there is not much diversity present. I can’t remember a time without daily racism by teachers, strangers, friends and even my own Dutch family. The lack of representation and daily hate crimes left me hating myself and wishing I was White. I only became extremely proud to be Asian when I was 16 and started travelling the world with my boyfriend. I feel I have missed out on many Chinese traditions and even feel they were stolen from me, as every trait of being Chinese resulted in social punishment. I struggled with being mixed-race and experienced an identity crisis. As the majority of the Chinese community in the Netherlands is ethnically fully Chinese and speaks Chinese, I never felt like I belonged. Yet for Dutch people I always felt too Asian. I couldn’t get much support from my siblings as they look mostly White and being mixed-race was more of a ‘fun fact’ than a label for life. I struggled with the fact that in some pictures I will look more White whilst in some I will look almost fully Asian. The same goes for makeup or certain styles. On top of that, I face others’ opinions every day on whether I look more Asian or White which leaves me confused.
I am my own role model. I have overcome many struggles in life and am proud to be here today. I get inspiration from Chinese actors like Constance Wu or Asian pop groups like BLACKPINK or Twice. Shang Chi and Crazy Rich Asians also made me emotional. I need this to feel represented, proud and beautiful. I think we are still far from change but believe awareness, acceptance and acknowledgement (including that of subtle inequality and less obvious struggles) are the first step. Also, listening instead of attacking individuals who raise these points.
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