Dominican | British/Irish/French/Ashkenazi Jew
When I was younger, I didn’t understand that I was mixed, so I didn’t know how to answer people’s questions or comments. I knew that I was French, and that my Mum spoke Spanish, so people would assume I was French/Spanish because I didn’t know how to correct them. As I got older and understood my heritage, I would explain to people that I was French and Dominican but people would and still do brush aside my Dominican side because they don’t know much about it as the UK has very little Latin American influence/immigration. Because of that people would/will often not acknowledge my Dominican side and I still have many friends who probably do not know that I am half Dominican. Sometimes people would question me and ask if I am Latina, why am I not Black, or Mexican? This really hurt and eventually I stopped telling people about my identity because I didn’t want them to try to erase it or minimise it. I think because I didn’t have any Latin American/mixed Latin American role models I thought I was alone and strange and I had no one guiding me or telling me how to react to people making funny comments or diminishing my identity. I felt very alone so I just hid myself to blend in.
I thought I was strange and being mixed was something to be quiet about, especially as I went to a very White British school, where I did not feel that my identity was celebrated. People would comment on my French side, and make me feel good about that part of me, so naturally I felt as though the French side was the ‘good side’ of myself, but people would ignore my other side, so I came to the conclusion that this was the ‘shameful side’. My whole identity was built from what others thought of me. However as I have gotten older, I have realised that my identity is very much internal, and it’s not something that should be impacted by ignorant stereotypes or other’s opinions. My ethnicity and identity are what I say they are, no matter what others have to say about it. I have started to share more about both sides of my culture with my friends, and to feel more comfortable in myself.
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