British/Trinidadian | British/Spanish
I have never actively hidden my identity, I was afforded the luxury of an accepting social environment and if anything, felt the need to express my heritage rather than be just assumed to be wholly English. My best friend from middle school genuinely thought I was joking about being mixed, and was a bit taken aback when she eventually met my extended family. It's a strange thing growing up on the edge of multiple cultures, knowing it's an internal identity rather than something people will recognise in you.
My relationship with my respective heritages has been largely indirect, but they were always strong forces in my life. My childhood was punctuated with Indian food cooked by my Grandma, who'd been taught by her Mother-in-law as an initiation into her husband's culture. Going to my Grandpa's house, I would take wall upon wall of Black and White photos of Trinidad and a world half-lost for granted, as I would his unrelenting accent. Growing up, I experienced more of Trinidad preserved from the day the family left in the 50s than today's Trinidad. It is surreal to feel so culturally connected to a place frozen in memory that you can never visit or feel completely reconciled with.
One of the complicating factors in my relationship to my family's past is the fact that I've never been able to visit Trinidad, largely due to the changes that have taken place in the country since my family immigrated. Part of me believes that the Trinidad I know from story after story must be a different Trinidad altogether from the one that survives today. On the other hand, I have been lucky enough to visit Spain many times and have stayed with my extended Spanish family both in Malaga and Madrid. As a child I imagined Trinidad and Spain as I heard about them in the countless tales my Grandpa and Lela (Father's Mother) told me. The cultural elements that persisted in small ways; the food, the language, the familial relationships. I only recognised it as part of my heritage as I grew older.
Studying Classics @ University of Cambridge
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