British | Jamaican
Interracial relationships are not a recent phenomenon; however it would have been undoubtedly harder for my parents than a modern-day interracial couple in the UK. My Mum has told me stories of White strangers assuming she had adopted me and people showing aggressive distaste when seeing my parents together. I find it upsetting when people express distaste for ‘racial mixing’ as it denies the humanity of mixed-race children. On the other hand I find the fetishisation of mixed-race children extremely problematic.
It was very important to me that the person I chose to spend my life with understood me and my lived experience of experiencing racism. My husband is Black-British Caribbean. I do feel privileged knowing that I can discuss my race and experiences of racism with my partner, without feeling like I have to justify myself. I think a lot of attention can be given to mixed-race people and who they choose to be in a relationship with, as though it makes a statement about who we are and what ‘side’ we are choosing. It really is none of anyone’s business.
I have learnt that I experience privilege from being light-skinned and having proximity to Whiteness, however I am mostly racialised as Black by non-Black people I meet. From obvious racist slurs and aggression, to general othering, it has always been a common occurrence to be treated as an outsider.
Ashamedly, I internalised a lot of anti-Blackness as a child and felt as though I wasn’t ‘mixed’ enough in my appearance. I desperately wanted to have lighter skin and loose curls like the other mixed-race girls I met growing up. This was compounded by regular comments and questions I would receive from friends and acquaintances: asking me why my hair wasn’t ‘softer’, why I was darker skinned than my mixed-race cousin, and expressions of shock when I had a deep suntan.
Conversely, I also felt ashamed about not being Black enough, as though I disappointed others by not living up to the stereotypes projected onto me. I thankfully do not feel like this at all anymore, however I do feel sad and ashamed thinking about my younger self.
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