British | Indonesian
I still consider myself to be growing up, and I have never not been proud to be mixed-race. But my self-perception has changed over time. Initially it was a point of confusion but I now feel that being mixed-race gives me a wonderful, unique claim to two distinct cultural settings; Indonesia and the UK. I feel like the world is getting more polarised, we’re more inclined to look inward for security than look out for hope. Being mixed-race, our very being cuts across borders and occasionally I feel mixed-race people are just naturally expected to translate culture across borders. But this assumes we totally understand one culture or another, that isn’t the case. Navigating multiple cultures inherent to your being is a whole different perspective in itself.
I think some people assume that being mixed-race is a straight 50-50 split. It’s rarely as simple as that and it’s certainly not a bad thing. For me, navigating my ‘mixed race-ness’ is a continuous, evolving process. Some days I feel far more British than Indonesian and vice-versa. I see being mixed-race as about mediating that ebb and flow. I don’t think that process will ever stop, and it’s for that reason I don’t feel as if I’m ever ‘searching for my one true identity’ or anything like that. In fact, I’m totally cool with not finding it. I think that’s because I think being mixed-race is a huge opportunity, I have this blank canvas and space with which I can carve out my own sense of self.
I lost my Dad when I was 5 years old. I wonder a lot how I might have turned out if he was still around. More English and less Indonesian? It’s all conjecture. But I see it as space to carve out my own dynamic sense of self. My Mother’s side of the family, who I am close to, live in Indonesia. Growing up, we used to travel back three times every year. I remember it annoying me at the time; ‘why couldn’t I just stay in the UK with my friends?’. But now I appreciate all the times we got to head back and I’m grateful to my Mother for making sure I never lost sight of the connection. Without a doubt I’m super lucky to have a grounding in both Jakarta and London.
Sign up to Patreon or Subscribe to our website to read more stories