British | Hong Kong Chinese
There's so much pressure to be able to describe yourself and want to know exactly who you are when you're younger. The quickest way to do that is to choose a side. Due to, put simply, internalised racism that side was the British side for me.
When I got older and started to embrace more elements of being mixed-race, I was accused of cultural appropriation a couple of times. That was really odd for me and in every instance I really had no clue how to navigate it. Even now, I've considered wearing a cheongsam to fancy events and never have done for fear, not of what people might say to me if they misread my race, but more fearful if they don't say anything and I don't get a chance to explain. Someday I've told myself I'll do it. So now it's flipped, I have more of a fear of appearing White than Chinese. I suspect and hope that as I get older more things will iron themselves out and slot into what I would call my own identity, but I'm happy knowing that it will be something that I'm figuring out for a long time.
I think Cambridge is a pretty good place to be for someone like me. I don't feel I've been disadvantaged because of my identity, except for in the theatre space which is a slightly different issue. The same cannot be said for Black students, whom Cambridge has and continues to let down. This only highlights the need for distinctions to be made between the experiences of different people of colour. It's not enough for the racial equality stats to be good, it doesn't correlate to individual experience at Cambridge and that is painfully clear. Having said this, the only time I've felt singled out is by the ridiculous racial bias of porters. I've never met a White student who has been stopped by a porter and asked for identification. I've never met a non-White student who hasn't. It's a little inconvenience that just reinforces the voice in their heads that says, 'you don't belong at Cambridge'. It's also just really embarrassing, but nothing compared to the institutionalised racism that Black students face.
Studying English at University of Cambridge
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