American | Chinese
My Mother is originally from Nanjing, China and my Father is a White American from New York, US. They met in the 80’s in Miami, Florida where my Mother was working on her PhD, and my Father had just moved back to the US after living in various Asian countries for several years. My parents’ upbringings were radically different. My Mother grew up in the heat of the Cultural Revolution, and because of my Chinese family’s involvement with the KMT party, they suffered extensive public humiliation and ostracization. My Father on the other hand hails from several generations of ‘WASPy’ Wall Street bankers and business owners (old money). My Mother has virtually never talked about what her life was like growing up, and in turn always took advantage of opportunities to brag about my Father’s pedigree and family history to colleagues. She espoused this pride to me and my siblings as well when we were growing up, and actively pressured us to only identify with this half of our background. My Father on the other hand had always overtly embraced the unique qualities of the East Asian lifestyle more than his own upbringing. After my parents seperated, he moved back to China, I presume because he feels that is where his place in the world is rooted. In the past twelve years, he has only returned to the US once. My entire life, I have always felt there was a bit of an irrelevance between my ethnicity and my identity. If anything, that disconnect has grown more as I get older and continue to try to find my place in the world. I generally never disclose that I am mixed or Asian unless I am asked directly, as I worry that I will immediately be typecast to certain attributes and stereotypes. As of a few months ago, at the current point I am at in my life, I am genuinely the happiest I have ever been. Things obviously are never perfect, and sometimes it really is a daily struggle for me to move past my insecurities and continue trying to become a better person. However I wouldn’t trade away anything about myself or my life that has brought me to this stage.
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