Algerian | Lebanese
My parents are still having a hard time with the way I identify racially and ethnically because it means emphasizing our otherness, therefore not belonging. The first time I was officially asked to identify was in the UK when registering for university. I knew identifying White made no sense: White is what we have been taught to aspire to and there is no denial that I have highly benefited from my proximity to whiteness but the reality of my experiences and that of the ones I love is a daily reminder that proximity isn’t equality. Arab didn’t make sense either as it didn’t recognise the particularity and the diversity that is present within the Arab-speaking world. Calling Lebanese and Algerian people ‘Arabs’ erases the indigenous identity of my people. The only option that seemed to define me was ‘Other’ but this time I got to claim it.
My Lebanese identity has always been tied to religion and to the Christian Maronite community my Father has grown up in. The holy book you read and the rites you follow define the political party you vote for, for my Father's generation at least. And during the civil war, it defined who would support you or want you dead within and outside the national borders. Dad likes to remind us, my brother and I, but we've grown up in such a different environment that it seems outdated to us. Our survival doesn't depend on it. Looking at the younger generation protesting in the streets since October 2019 in Lebanon, it seems like Lebanon's survival now relies on the extinction of its confessionalist system and the warlord mafia inherited from both colonisation and the war.
My Algerian identity has been passed down to me by my Mother and her family. My Mother wasn't born in Algeria like my Father was born in Lebanon. She was born and raised in France as a Muslim as my Grandparents left Algeria after the Independence War. Being of Algerian descent in France is rarely well-perceived and I have seen my Mother being more and more uncomfortable with her own identity over time, almost hiding it as a way to better integrate or even assimilate, I think.
Studying Heritage Studies (Mphil) and Liberal Arts (BA) @cambridgeuniversity
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