Moroccan, Spanish, Yemeni | Surinamese, Dutch, Colombian, Guyanese, Mexican

I identify myself as Latina with some Arabic. I’m into women. My Mums Moroccan, Spanish and Yemeni. My Father is Surinamese, Dutch, Colombian, Guyanese & Mexican. They met in The Netherlands. I grew up in The Netherlands.

I understood I was mixed-race in primary school; playing football with the other kids. I was playing against a boy (I was really good at football) and won, he punched me and called me a stupid nigger.

I’ve experienced a lot of racism towards me, there have been some night clubs that wouldn’t let me in, or people who ask me where I’m from because I look ‘exotic’. But also Black, Arabic or Latin people would make fun of me because I was uncultured in their eyes, or not ‘Black enough’. I have also had abuse on social media.

The way I choose friends/partners is not based on race, culture or social environments.

I do feel being mixed-race has had an effect on my work/personal life. I’ve been rejected for jobs in the modelling/fashion/acting industry based on my skin complexion. Casters tend to choose people of non-mixed heritage. My colour and features are something they can’t use, it seems.

I do think there are bias attitudes towards mixed-race people. On the one hand people can be very racist to me, on the other they seem very interested but only to know my mix. They think it’s cool to have a friend so mixed. People with one race have shut me out, ‘I wasn’t black enough’, or I should be ashamed of myself for not speaking some of those languages. They expect me to be perfect in all those roots.

I am able to speak some of my native languages but not all of them. It’s not family who bothers, but other people who speak those languages that make fun of me.

I don’t connect with one culture, because I believe what makes me I adapt to.

When people ask ‘where are you from?’ I smile and tell them the city I was born and raised. My experience is that some people may have an agenda behind the question, i.e. racial profiling. I don’t want to give them power.

A positive is that I really like my skin tone, and the unexplainable little connection I feel with certain places. The main negative is racism.

The world is making progress in the good, accepting and open-minded way, so it finally feels good, but the world is also getting more racist and conservative again, which frightens me.

If I was to be born again I would like to return the same, but maybe a little taller. With all the knowledge I have now.