Irish | Thai/Akha
I would identify myself firstly as British. My heritage is Irish, Thai and Akha, my parents are Muslim. My dad is Irish, and my Mother is Thai. I first realised I was mixed when I started primary school. I was the only student who wasn’t south Asian in my school, so I guess it was clear to other children that I was different. The older kids used to ask me if I was Chinese and I would tell them no, I’m Thai and Irish. I didn’t realise it mattered, or why it was important, or why people were so, and still being so insistent in calling me something I am not. I soon started to get bullied because of my race, which is so hard to understand as a 5-year-old. I eventually learned to talk back and fight back. As you get older, the negative comments don’t stop, but your skin grows thicker, and your identity becomes stronger. Sometimes it feels like I don’t belong anywhere, Thai people don’t think I look Thai, and nobody sees my Irish side. I’ve grown up in England, so I feel mostly British, but every so often people will make comments to make me feel like a don’t belong. I don’t think I would have ever received the same questions or comments I get on a regular basis if I was White. I feel because of my experiences I Identify more with being Thai as that’s what people see me as. When people only see one part of who you are, that is amplified, however, I am so much closer to my Irish family. I love being around them and they’re some of the funniest people I know. I love all the stories my grandparents used to tell, and I learned a lot from them. If I was born again I wouldn’t mind what race I returned as, but I’d like it to be something different. Sometimes when I feel really down after someone has commented on my appearance I wonder what it would be like to be Caucasian. The standard for beauty is very European. People wouldn’t make fun of my eyes or how I look in the same way, there wouldn’t be the same questions and I wouldn’t feel any different. I realise there would still be a whole bunch of crap to deal with if I was born White, but it would be a different experience. I’d like to know what that’s like.
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