English | Jamaican
I identify myself as mixed-Black, Gay and a spiritualist. Both my mum and dad were born in the UK. My mum is White, and my dad is Black. My nan was from Jamaica and came over to London during the Windrush. They met through friends and went to the same school, they moved in the same social circles. My first clear memories of knowing I was different was when I was with my mum walking home, this White guy walked past us and spat on my shoe. I didn’t really know why he did that at the time, but my mum is White, and I was mixed and whenever we were together that’s when things would happen. The second occasion was when I was 7 years old at school and a White boy called me the N word. I remember coming home and crying to my mum, wiping my arm and saying ‘mummy, mummy I don’t want to be this colour anymore’. It was then that my mum sat me down and said, ‘Emma, be proud of who you are. You are a beautiful young girl and I don’t want you to ever think that your colour is something to be ashamed of. Your black heritage is something to be proud of’. I knew then that I was different and was so much more aware of being mixed-race, also that my mum was White. There were other things too like coming home and seeing we had been burgled. I remember walking into the flat and seeing graffiti scrawled on the wall that said, “No Blacks here White mum”. Walking out of the flat and seeing National Front stickers on our balcony right outside our front door. It was upsetting. I love the fact that my own experiences of being mixed-race have allowed me to appreciate and celebrate other cultures and embrace difference. I find it so affirming when I’m surrounded by other Black and Brown people and we all connect through our lived experience. I’ve no intention of ever wanting to return as something or someone else. I like who I am and the experiences I’ve had have shaped me. I think the future of mixed-race is complex, scary and exciting all at the same time. The ability for people to box all black and brown people into one is very problematic. But I also think migration is essential to human success, so acceptance will thrive.
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