English | Jamaican – NHS Business Partner
My Mother was Jamaican and my Father is a White Englishman, originating from Southall, London. Mum came to the UK back in the 60’s and initially settled in London to complete her nurse training before moving to the countryside. I think this suited her lifestyle better, as she was raised in the country back in Jamaica. My parents met through the arts & music scene and from what I have been told, had quite a wild time until my brother and I were born. I was lucky enough to have a free and bohemian upbringing in the Suffolk countryside, roaming in nature.
Sadly, Mum and Dad split and divorced when I was very young, but we still saw him on a regular basis. Mum insisted on it and to this day, it has held me in good stead about the right thing to do if a family does break up.
My Mother rarely talked about colour, although I know her values and identity were really strong. She talked more about standing up for my beliefs, standing up for myself, striving and having to work harder to be better. I watched my Mother face the most disgusting racial abuse in her workplace and society, so I knew why she guided me this way and for that I am eternally grateful. I always say that ’she trained me’ to be who I am today, although my Dad definitely had a positive influence too. Sadly, Mum passed away in 2016 and I often wonder what she would make of the world we live in now.
I sometimes feel as though I’m 'more accepted' because my complexion is light and maybe that people misunderstand my strong Black cultural identity, given that I was raised by a Jamaican woman. I still get confused when people look at me, especially outside London, it's as though they are looking at me because I am ‘different’, maybe I am wrong. This bothers me less now, although through some painful realisations and especially in light of the COVID pandemic and then the death of George Floyd, I got to realise how much I' marginalised myself and spent my a lot of my adult life 'fitting in' but still I never questioned my true identity.
Want to read more? Subscribe here #mixedracefaces